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You can see my house from here…

West Kirby town centre, earlier this morning.

Well, Leo, I must admit that your gaff looks very nice. Me, I live in the centre of the heaving metropolis that is West Kirby town centre. As you can see, it’s very metropolitan. And a little bit heaving too, wouldn’t you say?

I took this picture this morning, from up by the War Memorial on top of Grange Hill, so I could show you exactly where I live. Now this is going to be tricky. How can I explain?

Okay, I think I’ve got it: if you draw a vertical line through the centre of the photo, and a horizontal line about a third of the way up from the bottom of the photo, my house is roughly where those two lines intersect.

Found it? No? Well, can you see the terraced house that has not one but two Velux windows, running at a diagonal from top left to bottom right? No?

Hmm? How can I explain? Well… do you see the house with the great big white arrow on the roof…?